Distorted Image

For most of my twenty years I've struggled with disordered eating and a poor, often distorted, body image. Constant comparison to my peers and air-brushed media images, as well as a perfectionistic desire to succeed, contributed to the development of bulimia and feelings of low self-worth.

I binged to comfort myself in my despair, then I purged as a desperate attempt to rid myself of this food and lose weight. I thought that if I strived for and finally attained the perfect body, I would be completely happy. But I was wrong.

My self-loathing did not decrease as I lost weight; I felt huge and miserable at every size. I felt guilty, knowing God had given me this body to take care of and my eating disorder was wreaking havoc on it.

Perfect in God's Eyes

God never gave up on me, taking my burdens onto himself and reassuring me that I was his dear child. When I grew frustrated with myself, I leaned my head on his shoulders, and he wiped away my tears.

The special people God put in my life reminded me with Scripture passages that God is the one who gives us worth - we don't earn it. He loves every person and he created us in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

I rejoice that Jesus Christ died for the sins of the world and rose again that I may have eternal life. Thanks to Jesus, I am perfect in God's eyes.

Continuing Battle

I still struggle to shut out the voice of Satan cruelly hissing that I am worthless, but each day I am growing in realization that I am a precious child of God. My dress size has nothing to do with my worth; Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for my sins has everything to do with my value. When I find myself grimacing at my reflection in the mirror or comparing myself to others and feeling inferior, I pray for the Lord's assistance in overcoming my distress.

I find great comfort in the words of Psalm 139. It's a reminder of my loving Father's complete knowledge of each of his children - of me. "O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.... You have laid your hand upon me.... You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

Heather Jahnke is a college student who lives in Palos Heights, IL.