Most of us like to talk, but listening? We-l-l-l that's another story. Listening doesn't come naturally. It is an acquired skill; one that is acquired through effort. Listening is also a skill we Christians want to develop. It enables us to love others. That's something we want to do because God has loved them - and us - enough to forgive all our sins.

Good Listeners Choose Words Carefully

A friend of mine recently lamented, "My mouth and my brain don't work together very well." He was talking about what happens when people engage their mouth before their brain.

Thoughtless words discourage communication. Harsh responses, judgmental reactions, cynical or cute (humorous?) put-downs all indicate that someone is more interested in stating their viewpoint than in listening to what someone else has to say. Poorly chosen words build walls of hostility and shut down communication.

When we communicate, we do well to remember what Paul said to the Ephesians. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only that which is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29). Our brains shift our mouths into gear only to help people by what we say.

Good Listeners are Interested in Others

If you want to get communication flowing, begin by listening to others talk about the things that are important to them.

Several years ago, I took a trip with several people. There was one person, whom I did not particularly like. But I had to spend about seven hours riding in a van with her. She began talking about her life, her interests, and her values. By the end of the trip, I realized I had misjudged her. After I got to know her I found her to be a likable person.

Good Listeners Give Honest Praise

Give others positive, honest feedback. The emphasis is on "positive." But you don't have to lie. And you don't have to compromise your integrity.

Too often we listen with critical ears. We focus on fault-finding. Perhaps we subconsciously think that our own importance will be improved if we put others down. We resort to name calling, belittling, questioning the intelligence of others, or making derogatory comments about their appearance. We develop an arsenal of negative comments like "That's the dumbest idea you've ever come up with," or "You probably hold the world's record for stupid ideas."

Good listeners know we all need to be affirmed. When was the last time you praised someone? A good listener breaks the fault-finding habit and substitutes affirmation. One good way to begin this is to invite someone, "Tell me the best thing you've ever done." Then give them your full-body attention. Listen with your eyes, your face, and your posture, as well as your ears.

Good Listeners Listen to God

Paying attention to what others tell us will seem impossible if we're not listening to God. Our motivation to care about people grows the more we realize how much our God cares about us. The more we treasure the Savior who has given us heaven, the more we want to obey his command, "As I have loved you, so you must love one another" (John 13:34). Listen to God's Word.

Good Listeners Remember to Count

Count when you listen. Count up to one; count up to two. Remember, "God gave us two ears and one mouth"

To me that's another way of saying, if you want to communicate God's type of love and grow closer to others, the best thing you can possibly do is work at becoming a better listener.

Also read: Why Is It So Difficult to be a Good Listener?

Jerry Kastens is the Minister of Discipleship at Trinity Lutheran in Watertown, WI.