Your parents don't understand? Don't feel alone!

My teens told me I don't understand. I told my mother the same thing. And that's what she told her mother.

The truth is, if parents and teens communicated more clearly, both would find a lot more understanding.

Fighting Words

Do you hear,
"You're not going out looking like that?!"
"Turn off that awful music!"
"Explain this grade on your progress report."
"I don't care what everyone else is doing, you're not everyone else"?

Whoa! What a way to start an argument. You're thinking, "Give me a some space....
I just want to fit in."
I blew a couple of assignments, now I've got to pay for it, forever."
I just want to make friends."
I don't want to be the class geek!"

Take the Initiative

But wait! Bite your tongue. Take a deep breath (count to ten, if you need to). When you hear fighting words, take responsibility for improving the way you and your parents understand each other. That's what people grateful for God's grace will do.

Yes. Yes. Your parent should also live up to that same responsibility. But I'm not writing to them right now.

Ask Questions

You are a Christian young person. Take the initiative. Instead of firing back, patiently, lovingly ask your parents about their teen years. Here's a start, "What was it like when you were my age?"

You will most likely receive a loving answer that will open communication between you. You will probably find that your parents faced many of the same problems you face. They wanted to be part of the group, too. They struggled with a school subject or more, too. They were hurt by their friends, too.

Granted, they will tell you that styles weren't as extreme as they are now, music wasn't as loud, or temptations as strong. They probably weren't; but they were just as troublesome and just as real.

Parents Need Gentle Reminders

You love your parents and they love you. You know they take their commitment as Christian parents seriously. However, they haven't reached a state of perfection and won't until they are in heaven. So I ask you, as a parent, to remember that we are human. We are sinners. We need God to forgive us for our weaknesses.

You need to be reminded of our humanness. We need to be reminded of our humanness.

We parents want our children to be ideal examples of Christian virtue. Here's why: we know the harm that happens when people live outside God's will. We know the blessings of living for our Savior. But we can forget that you are human and that you need our support, our demonstrations of love, and, above all, our understanding.

Help us think back to our high school days. That will jog our memory and sharpen our understanding about being a teen today.

What you hear may surprise you. You may have more in common with your parents than you think.

Susan Zohar is the author.