Feelings and Relationship - Commentary
Study Goals
1. To establish that our feelings about others cannot be trusted as a foundation for building a lasting relationship.
2. To confirm that God's relationship for us in Jesus is the reason and the model for us to build relationships with others.
3. To be encouraged to evaluate our relationships with others in the light of God's relationship with us as he has revealed it in his Word.
Feelings Fail us
This discussion/Bible study begins by showing that our feelings are not always reliable indicators of the truth. The way we feel about people or situations can often cloud our perception of what is true and what is false.
Both John and Barbara allowed their emotions to drag them away from their families. To John and Barbara that decision felt so right. There are many situations in which we can't allow our feelings or conscience to be our guide. Selfishness, laziness, greed, hatred, sensuality, the love of pleasure can have a powerful effect on us - powerful enough to blur or obliterate our sense of right and wrong.
Genesis 8:21 reminds us that we are prone to sinful irresponsibility from little on. Proverbs 14:12 shows us that the choices we make (certainly in spiritual areas) may seem good and logical to us, when in the end they only lead to destruction. Matthew 15:19 makes it clear that our hearts are moral cesspools and that we are rotten to the core. It's no wonder then that our feelings, which come from our rotten core, can often mislead us. Of course, the devil also is continually there to lie to us (John 8:44).
The situation in our hearts change dramatically when, through faith in Christ, he rules in them as our Lord and Savior. But we Christians remain souls influenced by sin and our emotions can still blind us to the truth. That easily happens particularly when Satan deceives us (John 8:44) and when we don't pay attention to God's inspired and "useful" Word.
The Firm Foundation
The only God-pleasing foundation for a continuing relationship with anyone is based on God's love for us. He offers us the example and the motivation. His love for us is not based on a feeling. Rather it's based on his undying commitment (faithfulness).
In the Law God reveals that he surely does not feel good about us; but in the gospel he reveals that he "so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son." Even though we were his avowed enemies, he did love us, so that he "did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all." Now he asks us to love others, not because they are so loveable, but because he loved us.
The marriage commitment, consequently, is not merely based on having a feeling of love for one's spouse. It's based on God's love for us. As long as God loves us in Jesus, married Christian couples have a responsibility to show that same love for each other. Our loving relationship with everyone is also to be based on God's loving commitment to us and not on how we might react emotionally to an individual. Note God's description of role relationships in Ephesians 5:1 1 ff. Again and again we are encouraged to give 100% to our positions in life not because we are treated well, but "in the Lord," as our loving response to God's love for us.
Here's an opportunity to focus on what makes the relationships you have with others tick. Ask yourself: What does God's plan for relationships mean when your parents have treated you unfairly? Or when your boyfriend dumps you for someone else? Or when you are going steady? Etc.
Feelings and Facts
This section seeks to offer opportunities to apply the truths learned to everyday situations and to review the principles you've explored. Consider what is wrong or right about each of the statements.
Chances are you have discovered that relationships with people aren't always as unselfish and grace-based as they should be. As you close with prayer, include confessing the faults of your relationships with others to God and petition Him for help in correcting them.