A "Do It Yourself" Christian
By Rachel, MI
All my life, I’ve been a do-it-myself person. Whether or not I understood how to go about it, I was determined to accomplish my goals completely on my own.
I treated my relationship with God no differently—if ever I felt far away from Him, I would read the Bible, go to church, listen to Christian music, do anything until the feeling subsided. I even made prayer into more of a ritual that would automatically bring me closer to God. The more I did “religious things,” I reasoned, the more Christian I would become.
The day came, however, when my plan to conquer sin failed. For a long time prior, I had found it increasingly difficult to live in a Christian way, and had ended up watching television and surfing the internet more than bringing others to Christ. I wanted to love God and reclaim the closeness I had felt when I first believed in Him, but I simply had no will to take the steps to get there. After working so hard for so long, I no longer had the strength to keep working, to keep striving toward Heaven on the lonely path I had marked for myself. I no longer knew the way to the goal I had worked so hard to achieve.
I became depressed, and felt hopeless in the wake of my helplessness. I tried to surround myself with people I thought would lead me back to God. I tried praying more often, but my prayers were full of empty words. Finally, when all was lost, I cried out to God. “Lord, I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything, but nothing works. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can lead others to Christ like You asked, when I’m so far away from You myself.” I paused, realizing that I had let go of the power I had held on to for so long, the power that never was mine. “Lord, I give up. Just take me, take everything. I can’t do it, but You can.”
I was surprised at my own words, which hardly seemed to proceed from a girl who was once so stubbornly independent as I. Yet I immediately felt relieved and full of an indescribable love. “My strength is made perfect in weakness,” I felt a voice say within me. I had never understood the meaning of those words until now.
Thank You, God, for saving me when I couldn’t save myself.